Laura’s Journey
We’ve known Laura since 2019 when she came to Oasis to do the Freedom programme.
It had been suggested to her because of problems in the relationship with her husband. Laura completed the Freedom Programme and attended the Resilience course in Jan 2020. Through the courses, she was able to recognize patterns of behaviour that she recognized as abusive and coercive although not reaching physical violence. Laura decided to work through the issues with her husband and both accessed some counselling sessions independently. Her husband’s behaviour towards her and the children deteriorated soon after the 6 counselling sessions finished. Laura is a professional and independent woman who worked part time for a very good company and earned enough to support her family financially, while her husband had occasional work. When the coronavirus pandemic hit in March 2020, she found it really hard to juggle her job, home-schooling the children and all the home/chores and caring responsibilities that inevitably come with having the children at home in lockdown.
In April 2020 (during the 1st Covid-19 lockdown) Laura made contact with Oasis again and she was desperate with the situation. The relationship was very tense, there were many arguments andpower struggles that extended to the children. Having to spend 24 hours and 7 days a week with her husband and the children with no respite was extremely hard for Laura. She relied on the husband to monitor the children whilst she spoke to us (outreach), but she found out that her husband was even listening to her conversations through a device that was meant for the family (similar to Amazon Alexa).
Oasis was able to offer face-to-face counselling sessions for Laura, following government guidelines and social distancing. As a victim of domestic abuse, Laura benefited from meeting face-to-face with a counsellor and having some privacy to discuss openly what had been happening at home. Laura’s emotional health and wellbeing had deteriorated and she felt trapped in the situation. Having gone through a previous divorce and now having 4 children, in addition to the emotional manipulation she had been experiencing, made the prospect of leaving the relationship really difficult for her. Laura engaged in counselling and whilst she was out of the house, she was also able to speak to the outreach worker at Oasis and access further support. She discussed her option with the DA service in Surrey and she also accessed the Legal surgery at Oasis to discuss her situation with a family solicitor. Laura was empowered having the knowledge that she had tried her best to make the relationship work, but also coming to the realisation that the problems at home were not only her fault (her husband repeatedly blamed her and manipulated her emotionally) and that she could not change him or support his needs any longer, whilst putting herself and her children through such difficult situation at home.
In November 2020, Laura called the police during an incident where she did not consent to her husband’s demands and he became physically violent. Laura was able to disclose much of what she had been experiencing and evidence of the control and emotional harm as well as the physical violence that had also involved one of her children. The police made a referral to children services and the CPS took the case further. He has now been charged and is on bail whilst there are more investigations being carried by a social worker.
